8 Foods for Healthy Hair and Beautiful Skin

Let’s face it: finding hair and skin products to bring out our inner beauty and  keep us looking forever young can get expensive. Between the BB, CC, and ZZ Creams out there, and a never ending selection of natural hair products making all sorts of claims, getting exactly what you need can be confusing and lead to extreme product junkie-ism (don’t I know it).

Well, what if I told you that you could get your hair and skin in tip-top shape by taking a trip into your kitchen? No, you’re not reaching for the same old eggs, banana, avocados, yogurt, and honey. This time around, we’re going to explore 8 foods that you probably didn't expect to do more than taste good. 

Coffee

Regardless of how you feel about coffee, there is one thing about it that you can’t deny: the caffeine content. When taken internally via your favorite latte, espresso, or plain cup of joe, caffeine stimulates body and brain function, causing you to move a mile a minute. Much in that same way, coffee stimulates skin and hair follicles. For the face and body, coffee helps energize and exfoliate (coffee grounds) skin, and relieves under-eye puffiness. It also can help improve the appearance of cellulite when used over time. As far as hair goes, coffee can help stimulate circulation on the scalp, encouraging healthy hair growth – especially for those suffering hair loss. It also improves shine and depth of color.

Try mixing fresh coffee grounds with your favorite oil of choice (I recommend an Extra Virgin Olive Oil and Jojoba Oil mix) and sugar. This scrub can be used on the face and body to exfoliate skin and help you reap all the benefits listed above. To get the caffeine going on your hair, brew a strong pot, cool, and pour into a spray bottle. You can aim the nozzle at your scalp for a massage, or use in the shower as a hair rinse.

Okra(Bamia)

I’m sure your first reaction to this vegetable was either “ooh!” or “eew!”. Okra is one of those definitive things that you either love or hate. With a crispy, slightly fuzzy exterior and a slimy, beady-filled interior, you can’t sit on the fence about this one. I happen to love okra as a food, but now even more as a cosmetic powerhouse! Okra is rich in vitamins A, C, and E,  antioxidant vitamins that fight free radicals and promote healing. Vitamin A is known to soothe irritated scalps, and help remove fine lines in the skin. Vitamin E also promotes UV protection It also contains folate and biotin, both essential to healthy hair growth and skin regeneration.

You can use one bunch of okra and whip up your own hair conditioner and facial masque. Boil about 2 cups of chopped okra in about 2 cups of water for 20 minutes. Remove the okra (still in the pot) from the heat, and allow it to steep for about 10 minutes. Pour the entire contents into an airtight jar, seal, and allow to steep overnight. In the morning, you will have a jar of slimy stuff – pour the slime into a separate container. With the leftover okra pods, throw them in the blender with a 1/4 cup of water (and some other goodies if you wish), and whip them into a mask that can be left on your face for 15-20 minutes.

Carrots

Carrots are high in Vitamin A – with 1 carrot providing 200% of the daily recommended value. As we learned with okra, Vitamin A is a valuable antioxidant that fight damage caused by free radicals, promotes anti-aging of hair and skin.

For super soft hair and skin, whip up a batch of boiled carrots, honey, and olive oil (make sure the carrots are blended WELL). This mask will give you soft and shiny hair, and glowing, tightened skin.

Tomatoes

Although visually unassuming, tomatoes are a nutritional powerhouse. Tomatoes are an amazing source of Vitamin A, Vitamin K, B1, B2, B3, B5, B6, magnesium, phosphorus, iron, sulfur, and more. It has tons of antioxidant, detoxification, soothing, and rejuvenation properties for hair and skin. The vitamins and minerals in tomatoes help even skin tone, helps heal and prevent acne, shrinks enlarged pores, and regulates sebum production – which is especially helpful for those with oily skin. In the hair, tomatoes are known to help with the same sebum regulation, soothing and correcting dry itchy scalp conditions, and increasing shine and elasticity in damaged, dull hair.

For an easy  mask that can be used on hair or skin, grab a tomato and half an avocado and blend well with a few tablespoons of olive, sweet almond, or jojoba oil. Because tomato is acidic and can be drying, adding more oil(s) can help prevent dryness and enhance softness.

Cucumbers

I promise, we’re not making a salad here. Besides making excellent pickles and puffy-eye treatments, cucumbers are rich in silica, Vitamins A and C, potassium, and more. Aside from packing a powerful antioxidant punch, silica-rich cucumbers increase firmness of skin, elasticity of hair and skin, and reduce inflammation. Cucumbers are also sulfur rich, which is essential for hair growth. Sulfur is a building block of hair, and the sulfur from cucumbers can stimulate increased healthy hair growth.

For a mask that is sure to soften and strengthen hair, blend 1/2 a cucumber into a paste (in a blender is recommended). Add in a few tablespoons of your favorite oils (olive oil, apricot seed oil, or sweet almond oil are my personal picks), 1/4 cup of coconut milk, and 1/4 a cup of your favorite conditioner (something like Trader Joe’s Nourish Spa is ideal). Turn this recipe into a cool face mask by substituting the conditioner with 1/4 cup of oats blended into a powder and mixed in.

Molasses

Blackstrap molasses in all of its dark, thick, sticky, and bitter glory is another nutritional powerhouse that benefits both skin and hair. It is packed full of vitamins and minerals that lends itself to healthy body, hair, and skin. Packed with iron, calcium, manganese, copper, magnesium, or potassium, blackstrap molasses promotes skin rejuvenation and hair growth. It is especially nourishing and conditioning for dry, damaged, or over-processed hair, improving shine, strength, and elasticity.

For acne prone, dry, or rough skin, dilute 1 teaspoon of unsulphured blackstrap molasses with 2 teaspoons of your favorite oil (jojoba or olive oil are recommended). For an added boost, you can add a teaspoon of apple cider vinegar. You can use the same recipe as the base for a hair mask, or just throw a few tablespoons of blackstrap molasses into your favorite conditioner to reap the benefits.

Pumpkin

This one holds a special place in my heart. When fall rolls around, I’m #AllPumpkinEverything. Seriously, one trip to Trader Joe’s and I go nuts. Luckily for me, not only does pumpkin make for some delicious food creations, it hosts a number of healthy hair and skin benefits as well. Pumpkins, like carrots are packed with beta carotene which not only gives it an orange hue, but naturally provides the body with tons of free radical-fighting Vitamin A. Pumpkin enzymes are also full of zinc, and Vitamins E and C – making the fall staple healing, soothing, and hydrating, among other things. Pumpkin can help reverse damage to skin, reduce lines, and help provide a youthful glow. For the hair, pumpkin is moisturizing, soothing, shine-enhancing, and elasticity improving.

Treat yourself to a  pumpkin deep conditioner with half a can of cooked or pureed pumpkin (baby food pumpkin is the easiest to work with), 1/4 cup of plain yogurt, and 2 tablespoons of honey. Get pumpkin on your face by swapping out yogurt for a few tablespoons of your favorite oil.

Chocolate

For as long as I can remember, I’ve loved chocolate. If I could eat chocolate every day, I would. As it turns out, I can get my cocoa fix without sabotaging my workouts – because chocolate is great for the hair!  Chocolate is antioxidant rich, which combats free-radicals (those pesky little things that can make our hair and skin look aged). Youthful hair has more shine, body, strength, and elasticity – making it less prone to breakage and damage. Cocoa butter is a powerful emollient and softening agent. Not only does it possess amazing healing and soothing properties for the skin and scalp, it softens hair and promotes shine and elasticity.Chocolate has flavanols, which are proven UV protectants. Natural sunblock that smells heavenly? Yes, please!

If you want to whip up something chocolaty for your hair or skin, try a cocoa butter hot oil treatment mix of 2 parts cocoa butter and 1 part coconut oil. You can also get in the kitchen with 6-8oz of plain greek yogurt, 2 tablespoons of pure cocoa powder, 3 tablespoons of your favorite oil(s), and 2 tablespoons of honey. Blend to an icing-like consistency, and apply to hair as either a pre-poo or deep conditioning treatment. You can always take the easy road and just add a few tablespoons of pure cocoa powder to your favorite conditioner or creamy face wash.

HAIR & SKIN CARE RECIPES!

Revitalizing Avocado Hair Treatment:1 medium avocado: peeled and pitted, 2 Tablespoons honey. Mash together both ingredients in small bowl. Massage into hair.-Leave in for 20-30 minutes. Wash hair as usual. NOTES: Brings tired-looking hair back to life.

This mask effectively moisturizes and tightens the skin, making it smooth and soft. Ingredients: 11/2 tbsp. honey, 1 egg white, 2 tsp. glycerin, 1/3 cup flour. Directions: Whisk the honey, egg white and glycerin, and then add the flour. The result should be a thick paste. Apply to face and rinse after 15 minutes.


Strawberry Mask: Mash together 3-4 strawberries. Combine with yogurt and/or oatmeal for a rich mask. Apply to your face and leave 10-15 minutes.
This mask is excellent for oily skins or to exfoliate. It is great to fresh up your skin when it gets a bit oily and yucky in the hot weather. It is a great way to use up the few over ripe strawberries you always seem to get in the bottom of a punnet. Just remember that with any natural product, such as these you should do a test for any allergic reactions to the ingredients before you use them. Apply a small amount to your skin in your elbow joint and cover with a plaster for 24 hours

Body & Foot Deodorants
1) Add a few cups of tomato juice to the bath water, soak for at least 15 minutes. This is an old, well known remedy for deodorizing pets and people who have been sprayed by a skunk. . . if it works on that odor, any other body odors are a piece of cake.
2) Add an infusion of parsley to the bath water as a deodorizer
3) Witch hazel is a very effective deodorant. Simply apply to underarms with cotton balls or gauze.
4) Use 4 tablespoons of baking soda in the bathwater. After bathing and drying, apply baking soda under the arms
5) Apply cornstarch under the arms
6) Apply vinegar under the arms
7) Use pine soap when bathing
8) Wear all cotton clothing that breathes as opposed to synthetic fibers which cause perspiration and retain odors.
9) For problem odor, avoid eating the following strong smelling and choline rich foods which cause body odor when sweated out: Garlic Onions Curry Cumin Peppers Eggs Liver Fish Legumes
10) Eat fresh parsley daily

Deodorizing Foot Bath:
Soak the feet in the following solution: 1/2 cup white vinegar, 5-6 Tbsp Epson salts, 1 gallon warm water

Toenail fungus remover:
Ingredients: 1 x 250ml bottle of Listerene mouthwash, 1 x 10ml bottle tea tree oil, 1 tsp olive oil, 1 tsp apple cider vinegar. Directions: Pour away some of the mouthwash and add the tea tree oil, olive oil and cider vinegar to the bottle. Shake vigorously to mix. Pour a little into an egg cup or small container. Apply to all toes with a toothbrush (really rub it in) each morning and evening until the fungus has disappeared. Don’t forget to wash out the toothbrush and eggcup after each application.

5 TRAITS OF TRUE CHRISTIAN FRIENDS

What does a true Christian friendship look like? Let's break it down into traits that are easy to identify.
Christian Friends Love Sacrificially

John 15:13
Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. (NIV)
Jesus is the finest example of a true Christian friend. His love for us is sacrificial, never selfish. He demonstrated it not only through his miracles of healing, but more fully through the humble service of washing the disciples' feet, and then ultimately, when he laid down his life on the cross.

If we choose our friends based only on what they have to offer, we'll rarely discover the blessings of a genuine friendship. Philippians 2:3 says, "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves." By valuing your friend's needs above your own, you'll be on your way to loving like Jesus. In the process, you'll likely gain a true friend.

CHRISTIAN FRIEND ACCEPT UNCONDITIONALLY

Proverbs 17:17
A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. (NIV)
We discover the best of friendships with brothers and sisters who know and accept our weaknesses and imperfections.

If we're easily offended or hold on to bitterness, we'll have a hard time making friends. No one is perfect. We all make mistakes now and then. If we take a truthful look at ourselves, we'll admit that we bear some of the blame when things go wrong in a friendship. A good friend is quick to ask forgiveness and ready to be forgiving.

CHRISTIAN FRIENDS TRUST COMPLETELY

Proverbs 18:24
A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. (NIV)
This proverb reveals that a true Christian friend is trustworthy, indeed, but emphasizes a second important truth as well. We should only expect to share complete trust with a few loyal friends. Trusting too easily can lead to ruin, so be careful about putting your confidence in a mere companion. Over time our true Christian friends will prove their trustworthiness by sticking closer than a brother or sister.

CHRISTIAN FRIENDS KEEP HEALTHY BOUNDARIES

1 Corinthians 13:4
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy ... (NIV)
If you feel smothered in a friendship, something is wrong. Likewise, if you feel used or abused, something is amiss. Recognizing what's best for someone and giving that person space are signs of a healthy relationship. We should never let a friend come between us and our spouse. A true Christian friend will wisely avoid intruding and recognize your need to maintain other relationships.

CHRISTIAN FRIENDS GIVE MUTUAL EDIFICATION

Proverbs 27:6
Wounds from a friend can be trusted ... (NIV)
True Christian friends will build each other up emotionally, spiritually, and physically. Friends like to be together simply because it feels good. We receive strength, encouragement, and love. We talk, we cry, we listen. But at times we also have to say the difficult things our dearest friend needs to hear. Yet, because of the shared trust and acceptance, we are the one person who can impact our friend's heart, for we know how to deliver the hard message with truth and grace. I believe this is what Proverbs 27:17 means when it says, "As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."

My hope is that these five traits will show you areas that may need a little work in your effort to build stronger friendships. But if you don't have lots of close friends, don't be too hard on yourself. Remember, true Christian friendships are rare treasures. They take time to nurture, but in the process we grow more Christlike.

PROVERB 22:4 By humility and the fear of the LORD are riches, and honour, and life.

Only the LORD can give so much wisdom with such great promises in fourteen words. Praise His glorious name! And thank Him for the opportunity of learning this secret of the living and true God. The world stumbles on in educated ignorance, wondering why they are so poor, despised, and dysfunctional! They will never know this wisdom. Glory!

Here are two conditions for three blessings. A wise man will grasp each of the five aspects of this simple and direct proverb. Neglecting an inspired jewel like this is self-deceit and self-hate, for the blessings are great and the conditions easy. Humble yourself before your Creator, and reject every idea you have contrary to the wisdom before you.
Humility is the first condition. It is thinking lowly of yourself. It admits you are a sinner, do not have all the answers, and without God's help cannot do anything well or right. It is proven by taking correction, saying you are sorry, avoiding public praise, serving others quietly, being reserved publicly, never talking about yourself, and praising others.

The fear of the LORD is the other condition. This is reverently seeking to honor God in all you do. Such a man does everything possible to obey and please the LORD, and He avoids anything to dishonor Him as much as possible. You can recognize it by the desire a man has for preaching, the Bible, and righteousness, and how much he hates sin (Pr 8:13).

Riches are the first blessing. Sometimes these are financial blessings, but they are often other things as well. There are many natural things greater than money in the bank to everyone but greedy misers (Pr 15:17; 16:8; 17:1). Spiritual blessings here and hereafter are also included. If you are disappointed or unmoved by heavenly riches, you have neither humility nor the fear of the Lord, and you do not understand real wealth (Luke 16:11).

Honor is the second blessing. A humble man who fears the LORD will grow in favor with God and men (Luke 2:52). The blessed God honors those who honor Him (I Sam 2:30; Jas 4:10). A man who fears the LORD will be honored by others, for his conduct will be gracious and righteous (Pr 18:12; 22:11). Men will want to be his friend, and he will be lifted up from among other men by these two excellent and exceptional traits.

Life is the third blessing. The senses in which life is meant here include things that cannot be described (I Cor 2:9). But Scripture does mention an abundant life, a good life, a joyful life, a peaceful life, a productive life, an extended life, and eternal life. And both here and hereafter will be spent with God Himself as your friend (Gen 15:1; Ex 33:11).

BANISHING SPIRITUAL LONELINESS - by Keri Wyatt Kent

Three practices for leaders (or anyone)

I want more of God. Although I write and speak on spiritual formation, work with other Christians, have friends who encourage my faith, am married to a Christian man with whom I’ve raised Christian children, I still sometimes feel lonely. Not just emotionally lonely, but spiritually lonely—disconnected from God and my faith.

Leaders walk a lonely road. The leader of any enterprise, from a corporation to a small group, must ultimately make decisions that may be unpopular. Even if they consider others’ opinions and feelings, leaders, by definition, must take responsibility and make decisions. That can feel lonely.

A position of spiritual leadership can add another layer of isolation. When you are caring for and mentoring others, guiding them spiritually, questions often nag at the back of your mind: Who’s mentoring me? Where do I take my questions and doubts? If I’m supposed to be a role model/leader/encourager, who does that for me? And there’s nothing like doubt to make you feel alone.
Banishing spiritual loneliness begins with being honest about the fact that you feel lonely to begin with. Acknowledge your feelings, then move forward by engaging in spiritual practices that will help you and those you lead.

Here are three strategies to combat spiritual loneliness as a leader.

SLOW DOWN

Do you ever feel as if you’re moving so fast through life that you don’t really see the people around you? Or you do see them, but you feel annoyed at them far too often? Do you feel that you don’t have time to really connect? Ironically, busyness (even with an overabundance of connections) can be isolating.

Slow down. For a day, or even a morning, try this: Do one thing at a time. Use “time chunking”: allocate a chunk of time to one task, then move on to the next “chunk.” Multi-tasking actually decreases efficiency.

Take time to look into the eyes of people you’re meeting with, noticing their non-verbal communication. Listen without composing your next thought. Pause between tasks. Delegate some tasks, maybe. Or just let some things (which you might possibly be micromanaging unnecessarily) just go undone. (Could that be the reason you’re so busy? Hmm.)

Our hurry can even taint our time with God—prayer becomes another item on a to-do list. We get more out of checking it off the list than we do actually being with God. Take time to slow down with God, even if you don’t have a lot of time. Meditate on God’s promises of love and acceptance. For example, start with 1 John 3. Focus on your identity in him; you are a deeply loved child of God.

SPEND TIME IN SOLITUDE

It may seem counterintuitive, but the antidote for loneliness can sometimes be found in solitude—especially when we define solitude as not simply time alone, but time alone with God. God can fill our spiritual tank. But just as you can’t fill a car while driving it down the road, spiritual filling requires us to slow down and connect with the source.

Be sure to understand the distinction between time alone being with God and time spent alone doing tasks for God. There’s a big difference.

Leaders are people who get things done. We’re task-oriented. While that’s helpful, it can fuel an underlying belief that God’s approval is related to our accomplishments, even contingent upon them. That’s another way of saying we believe God’s love is conditional.

When we simply take time to be alone, and to be with God, without tasks or even an agenda (such as study, memorization, lesson prep), we affirm our faith in God’s unconditional love. Does he really love me when I’m not doing something for him? The only way to find out, and thereby truly experience that deep, unconditional love, is to stop doing for a while. Just be with God and know him (See Psalm 46).


SEEK COMMUNITY

This may seem like the opposite of the previous strategy. But if you look, for example, at the life of Jesus, you’ll see that he engaged in both solitude and community. We need time alone with God, but we also need others to minister to us, to encourage us. God designed us to live in community with others. He can speak to us through others and in the quiet of our hearts.

If you find this challenging, you may need to ask yourself, Am I keeping people at a distance? Am I willing to risk revealing my need for support or encouragement? Am I valuing tasks over people?

Seek out other leaders, or friends who have some emotional distance from your leadership position. (In other words, people who are in another organization or are not your direct reports.) Look for friends who will support you but also be willing to tell you the truth when it’s not pretty.

Be willing to seek spiritual friendship in which you can both be honest, where you can take off the leadership hat and just be yourself. Jesus did ministry in community, and we’d do well to follow his example.

Other people who lead in other environments often can provide the understanding and support you need. But you have to be brave enough to ask.

Loneliness is inevitable at times. Rather than avoid it by getting busy, let that quiet ache in your heart push you toward God. Use these three practices—slowing down, solitude, and community—to experience his presence and to create some space for God in your life.

WHY ENDINGS MATTER - by Nicole Unice

We sat together at my kitchen counter, conversation trickling to awkward silence. Things in her marriage had reached a breaking point, she said. She hoped I could help, she said. I listened and tried to give encouragement, but in my heart I knew it wasn't enough. I wanted to give her something that would last, something she could cling to even in the difficult season of her life. What I needed was a benediction—the right word that went beyond what I could possibly give.

The word benediction comes from a Latin term meaning “to speak well.” Traditionally, a benediction is a short prayer for help, blessing, or guidance. Benedictions aren’t just for the end of sermons. A close study of Scripture reveals the power of the final word can do more than the entire conversation before it.

That day at my kitchen counter, I was ill-equipped to guide my young friend through a difficult time. I ended up falling back on some lame words about “everything being OK,” words neither of us truly believed. For me, that conversation sparked a desire to lead better. How could I provide a better “ending” when someone is looking for guidance or help?
Since then, I’ve discovered the power of benediction in everyday life and ministry. Knowing how to end a conversation, a prayer, or a note of encouragement can help the ones you lead refocus their hearts from their problems to the promises of our great God. Here’s what a closer look at benedictions taught me.

Benedictions Are Memorable

Social psychologists call our aptitude at remembering final words the “recency effect.” The principle of recency states that the things most recently learned are the ones most likely to be remembered. Apply that to the many endings in your day: From finishing an email to saying goodbye to our children at the bus stop, our lives are full of opportunities for “one last thing.” Unfortunately, my “one last thing” usually ends up being tired, recycled words I’ve already used or reminders about buttoning coats. This is not what I want my co-workers, children, and friends to remember! When I consider the recency effect, I feel even more certain that the words I write and speak could use a tune-up.

Benedictions Give Perspective

Consider the way the Apostle Paul ended his letters. Paul ended the book of Romans with these words: “All glory to the only wise God, through Jesus Christ, forever. Amen” (Romans 16:27) In one sentence, Paul reminded us of the truth of a) God’s place as the only true object of worship, b) our purpose in bringing him glory, and c) our identity in Christ. He condensed the entire message of Romans into one final statement. He didn’t close his letter with one more reminder, but a powerful perspective-shaking blessing that reminds us of our positioning with the God of the universe, the only one who has infinite knowledge and is worthy of our worship.

In ministry, I need perspective. I need the constant reminder of what really matters. When the burden of others’ struggles falls heavily on my shoulders, I can repeat this phrase to myself and lift my spiritual eyes to the truth: God is wise, he is glorious, he is eternal, and I have right standing with him through Christ. Everything becomes lighter when compared to the weight of his glory.

Benedictions Remind Us of Spiritual Truths

Consider one of Paul’s standard benedictions, found in Philippians 4:23, Philemon 25, and Galatians 6:18: “May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit.” Paul reminded us that no matter what struggle we face, our deepest blessing comes not from circumstances changing, but in a settled soul. It is Christ’s grace manifest in our lives that is present with our spirits—and that gives us the power to overcome any trial or struggle in this world.

So often I find myself wanting to give humanistic platitudes, “one step at a time,” or “you’ll get through this” or “it’ll get better.” The reality is, words always fail in the face of true struggle, and when we find ourselves at the end of our rope, we realize that only God’s power in our spirits gives us the strength to stand.

Benedictions Are a Stamp of Personal Faith

Dick Halverson, former chaplain of the United States Senate, was known for his personal benediction, words that spoke truth and life over all he ministered to:

“You go nowhere by accident. Wherever you go, God is sending you there. Wherever you are, God has put you there. He has a purpose in your being there…Believe this, and go in His grace, and love, and power. Amen!”

My spiritual mentor and pastor is fond of this benediction as well as his own, lodged deep within my own heart after I’ve heard it dozens of times:

“Remember, you stand before an audience of one. The one God, the with-me God. Now go in his grace.”

My pastor’s words aren’t unique to him, but they are memorable because of the passion and belief with which he speaks them. This simple closing reminds me every time of exactly where I place my hope.

Perhaps the words of the apostle Paul or the psalmist feel rote in your heart. But you, like Dick Halverson and my pastor, can let Scripture inform your own personal benediction. Making these words our own helps us re-center perspective, and it leaves those around us on a powerful and true note.

Benedictions are like the punctuation in our lives. The words inform the sentence before and give a sense of the sentence to come. Choose your words wisely.

Since studying the benedictions of Scripture, I’ve found myself pausing before ending times of counsel and care or times with my children. I’ve pondered what I can say to point others back to the only source of true life. And so I close with these words:

As babies evoke smiles to our faces, so does your heart evoke God’s delight. He has delivered you from the power of death and defeat through his Son, Jesus Christ. So go in the power of his delight and his grace today!

HOW TO HELP YOUR KIDS LEARN TO WAIT

With four children ranging from 6 to 16, one of my most popular sayings is "Honey, you'll just have to wait." But as you know, that's not something any child wants to hear. Instant gratification has become a hallmark of our culture.
Do you give your kids practice waiting? Or do you serve them quickly to avoid a meltdown? We must understand that the more we appease our kids, the more impatient and rude they'll be as adults.
Why Wait
Learning to wait is more important than we may realize. In a landmark Stanford University study, a group of 4-year-olds were each given a marshmallow. The kids were promised another one if they could wait for several minutes without eating the first one. Fourteen years later, as high school seniors, those who had quickly eaten the first marshmallow had lower self-esteem and were more prone to frustration, envy, and conflict. Those who had waited, were more socially competent, coped better with stress and frustration, and got better grades. In fact, those who waited scored an average of 210 points higher on their SATs.
The ability to wait teaches self-control and self-discipline. Kids who learn to wait are better able to think before they act and to understand the potential consequences of their actions. They learn respect and submission to authority. And learning to wait now will enable our children to "wait patiently for the Lord" as Scripture instructs in Psalm 27:14.
As you can see, teaching children to wait is about more than just waiting. Learning to wait also teaches patience, tolerance, delayed gratification, and the fact that other people besides them have needs and rights.
Even toddlers can begin learning to wait. Train your youngsters not to eat until after a blessing has been said, or count to ten slowly before handing them a toy. Such small delays are only a matter of seconds, but they effectively introduce the concept of waiting.
Children this age will not understand verbal explanations. They need experiences. Experience is a much better teacher than mere words.

Practical Tips

As parents, we can purposefully teach our children—of any age—the value of waiting. In a microwave society, waiting is a lost art that needs to be revived. Thankfully, there are many practical ways we can teach our children to wait. Here's how:

• Set solid limits. Have boundaries in place and stick with them. "I'll get that ready for you after I've seen you wait patiently" or "You may have that when you aren't being demanding" sends the clear message that you won't be moved by bossiness and impatience.

• Refocus their attention. Whether waiting in line at the grocery store or waiting at the doctor's office, kids can become impatient. Distraction is a powerful tool at any age. Play a guessing game, such as "I Spy," with a young child. For older kids, ask them to tell you their ideas for a family vacation. Use distraction methods based on your child's age and interests.

• Teach by example. Whether 3 or 13, children learn best by example. Not only toddlers, but teens can also benefit from modeling. Take note of your everyday lifestyle: Do you charge a pair of shoes at the mall or save up until you have enough cash? Do you pass frequently on the highway just to get one car length ahead? Be the example you want to see in your children.

• Avoid the words "hurry up." Toddlers and preschoolers are notorious for dawdling, so instead of always telling them to hurry up, make some time allowances for it. When young children are routinely told to hurry, it instills in them a pattern of pressuring others, themselves, and life in general to hurry up, which results in temper tantrums when things do not happen as quickly as they want. As children this age grow and mature, they can more readily understand why it's important that they not keep others waiting unnecessarily.

• Conduct an experiment. Toddlers through tweens will appreciate the time it takes for a plant to grow. Involve the kids in the process of planting a seed and watching its growth. Throughout the process, explain how everything in life takes time to change from the way things are to how they're going to be. Teach the verse, "For everything there is a season" (Ecclesiastes 3:1).
• Use visuals. Younger children especially often need a visual when it comes to waiting for a particular event to happen. If it's 4:30 and supper is at 5:00, use a timer. If the family getaway is in 18 days, use a calendar and allow children to mark off the days as each one goes by. Sometimes the difficulty with waiting is simply not knowing when it will end.

• Don't tolerate interruptions. Let's face it: from toddlers to teens, kids interrupt. We may even do it ourselves at times. But interrupting not only displays impatience; it's also rude. Unless it's an emergency (as defined by you), make it clear that your children are to wait for their turn to speak.

• Acknowledge and reinforce patient waiting. Don't become so intent on teaching your children to wait that you forget to praise them when they do. If your toddler patiently waits for a sippy cup to be filled while you feed the baby, thank him or her specifically for waiting well. If your teen saved up money for an iPad say, "I'll bet you're glad you waited until you had the money to buy that instead of having to pay interest charges on a credit card."

• Don't be Mr. or Mrs. Fix-It. When we always come to our kids' rescue, we do them a great disservice. Yes, we want our kids to know we'll always be there for them, but that's different from always bailing them out. For example, if your tween loses a cell phone, don't immediately replace it. Instead, have him or her save some money to help cover the cost of a new one. Don't try to fix everything immediately.

• Prepare to wait. Sometimes we know our kids will have to wait, in a hospital waiting room or doctor's office, for example. Come prepared. Allow kids to pack a small backpack of things to keep them occupied. Because they are things of their own choosing, they are more likely to hold their interest.

• Keep a positive attitude. If you complain about waiting in a line of traffic or for an anticipated check to arrive in the mail, your kids will pick up on your impatience. Be determined to remain positive about life's waiting moments by saying something like "This line of traffic gives us more time to tell each other about our day" or "I hope the check arrives today, but if not that's okay; God has perfect timing."
No matter our children's ages, learning to wait is a valuable skill that will go with them throughout their lives.